when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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