if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
