The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
