No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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