Will you blow on my dice?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
