you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
