My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
