as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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