Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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