so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
