To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
