I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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