my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
