Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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