how can u be prego again
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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