After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Pooping to opera.
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