My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
