My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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