but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
