shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His hands were made for my vagina.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
