If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
