Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
In America we eat man semen.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
