My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
