out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
