it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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