She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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