And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
