When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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