i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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