Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
