walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
