I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
