it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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