You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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