I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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