I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
