that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
