Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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