Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
