it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize