there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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