nut hugger
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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