Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
