do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
