is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
