how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
whose parrot is this?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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