don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
