guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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