ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
