So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
