I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
