Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
