Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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