you traded sex for a burrito?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
