Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
