i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
