I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This baby is an asshole
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
