booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
