i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
