I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
