Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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