what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.