I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever