I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone