You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.