My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.