I'm really into asian looking animals
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men