FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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