Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
