Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
